Your Thoughts Exactly

Do you feel something on your back? Some incredible burden that keeps you from getting exactly where you want to go? That crushing sensation is known in most circles as checks and balances. That’s right, they are back.

You don’t seem to understand how to react to this new found problem. On some issues, such as the Iraq War, you have pretended to come up with a new policy while simply recycling old talking points and lame assertions that attempt to link Al Qaeda to Iraq, hoping no one will notice. You even through in an additional 20,000 troops into the pile, to show your commitment, an amazingly bold decision. Bold in the fact that absolutely no one seems to agree that this is the right move. Faced with the tough choice of admitting failure in Iraq and beginning the long withdrawal or taking the risky stand of massively increasing troop levels in an effort to bring forced stability, you have done neither. Instead you chose the same path to disaster that the American people demanded you change less than two months ago.

On other issues, you seemingly just give up. As if moved by a higher power, you have changed your mind on the legality of domestic warrantless wiretapping. Maybe the day off in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King gave you a chance to reflect on the values that he stood and gave his life for, which caused you to have a change of heart and realize that protecting the freedom of the citizens of America meant sacrificing some level of security. Or perhaps you just didn’t want to deal with those mean old Democrats probing into the nitty gritty details of just which nursing homes you had bugged.

You even had to dig through your bedroom to find your Dad’s favorite veto pen, the one he gave you at the beginning of your second term. You hadn’t had much practice issuing veto orders, so you looked over Article II of the Constitution one more time, just to make sure you had the rules down. After all, the Democrats had passed some pretty insane laws in their first week on the job, such as raising the minimum wage by less than a dollar in real terms and giving all that money for stem-cell research. What will those crazies do next?

At times I’m sure you feel like getting on Air Force One, flying off to some small island and camping out until the worst was over. But you still have two years left before you get to spend all your days at the ranch. Sucks to say, but you are still my President. As a citizen of my country, how can I advise you to act in this time of struggle?

First, learn from your predecessor. Bill Clinton was able to function quite ably as President with an opposition Congress. Clinton picked his battles and moved forward on legislation where he found a common ground with the Republican majority (most notably welfare reform and NAFTA.) Find a few issues where you differ from your fellow Republicans. Immigration seems like a good starting point. Reach out to people across the aisle to prove that you can work with them, that you are not mortal enemies. That will make it less easy for them to hate you when you have to start disagreeing on things like free trade and the budget deficit.

Second, wake the fuck up. You have to realize that whatever paradigm through which you view international relations is inherently flawed. It has led to no less than the collapse of American credibility in the international political regime. It is an unequivocal disaster. Fire everyone in the State and Defense departments. Go hire people from DIFFERENT backgrounds. Bring in a liberal, a realist, a neo-con, and a post-modernist segment to your diplomatic community. Throw them all in a room, let them fight it out, and demand compromise. Discourage uniformity and dogmatism. Understand that the world is a complicated place and more importantly, a chaotic place. X does not always lead to Y.

Will you do either of these things? Likely not. Instead you will whimper to the finish in the passive-aggressive manner of a spoiled brat who is used to getting his way, but now finds himself actually facing adversity. Which is exactly what you are.

Fuck Off,

The Marmaniac

# posted by Marmaniac @ 8:27 AM