Saturday, March 19, 2005
Running for Congress: Things I will not be spending time doing as a Representative
As a representative for hundreds of thousands of fellow Massachusettsians, Marylanders, Virginians, Illini, or whatever state I settle in, I will not spend my time as a legislator interviewing burly baseball players about whether or not they took performance enhancing drugs. I will not waste subpoenaing them. I will not waste time trying to poo-poo their historic performances by chastising them through committee hearings or public interviews, by trying to come off as somehow morally superior. I will leave the private business of baseball to be managed by baseball officials, and spend time on other important issues, such as making sure that our troops aren’t dying for an illegitimate war.
The whole steroid witch-hunt, perpetuated by an alliance between media and government reeks to me of jock-envy. Sportswriters and Congress alike are acting out feelings of unworthiness left over from high school by tearing to shreds the reputations of as many big, burly athletes as they can muster. There are so many fallacies in this whole process. First, there was no steroid program before 2003 in baseball! You can’t punish players for not abiding by the rules of the game when there were no rules. Second, people in this country are innocent until proven guilty. Of course the rules of law have never been followed in this entire case: remember Bonds and Giambi’s steroid admissions came from leaked, sealed, grand jury testimony, which is illegal. Third, what is the point of this entire hearing? Is Congress planning on passing legislation forcing everyone not to acknowledge Bonds’ accomplishments? I don’t think so. I think Congress is trying to pose itself as the moral conscience of the United States, garnering public attention on issues such as baseball and steroids while it lets the executive branch bully through immoral legislation that screws the average American.
One last point on the steroid issue: get off Mark McGwire’s back. He read a statement saying he had not done any illegal steroids, he has repeatedly denied abusing steroids, and he is the only player who took a legally intelligent strategy. Thus all this talk over not voting for McGwire for the Hall of Fame needs to stop immediately. He has been proven guilty of nothing. The Hall of Fame is about one thing, numbers. He has them. He saved baseball, remember? Get off your collective high horse.
I would also like to assure my fellow constituents, that if elected to Congress, I will not be spending time at any special Congressional sessions called to debate how to save the life of a woman who has been in a coma for 15 years and has been repeatedly declared by doctors (you know, those guys who use science,) to have zero chance of regaining cognitive function. This does not fall under my jurisdiction as a Congressmen: nowhere in the first Article of the Constitution does it say: “Congress shall weigh in on all inane matters of morality that receive sufficient media attention.” A woman is dead already; it’s a tragedy. The decision to remove her feeding tube, is a legal matter, and has been decided, and is according to her wishes. But more importantly, what is Congress doing debating this? Or getting involved at all? Haven’t they forgotten, we are at war with an unseen, shadowy enemy! They could be anywhere! Has anyone checked the color of the terror warning recently?
Sorry I got a little carried away. Anyways, let me assure the people that, if in my tenure as Congressman, my fellow representatives decide to spend time tackling such irrelevant issues, I will spend those days cooped up in my office, with my thinking cap on, trying to come up with superior policies to improve the lives of my fellow Americans, so that when and if our government turns their minds to the people’s business, I will be supremely prepared.
The whole steroid witch-hunt, perpetuated by an alliance between media and government reeks to me of jock-envy. Sportswriters and Congress alike are acting out feelings of unworthiness left over from high school by tearing to shreds the reputations of as many big, burly athletes as they can muster. There are so many fallacies in this whole process. First, there was no steroid program before 2003 in baseball! You can’t punish players for not abiding by the rules of the game when there were no rules. Second, people in this country are innocent until proven guilty. Of course the rules of law have never been followed in this entire case: remember Bonds and Giambi’s steroid admissions came from leaked, sealed, grand jury testimony, which is illegal. Third, what is the point of this entire hearing? Is Congress planning on passing legislation forcing everyone not to acknowledge Bonds’ accomplishments? I don’t think so. I think Congress is trying to pose itself as the moral conscience of the United States, garnering public attention on issues such as baseball and steroids while it lets the executive branch bully through immoral legislation that screws the average American.
One last point on the steroid issue: get off Mark McGwire’s back. He read a statement saying he had not done any illegal steroids, he has repeatedly denied abusing steroids, and he is the only player who took a legally intelligent strategy. Thus all this talk over not voting for McGwire for the Hall of Fame needs to stop immediately. He has been proven guilty of nothing. The Hall of Fame is about one thing, numbers. He has them. He saved baseball, remember? Get off your collective high horse.
I would also like to assure my fellow constituents, that if elected to Congress, I will not be spending time at any special Congressional sessions called to debate how to save the life of a woman who has been in a coma for 15 years and has been repeatedly declared by doctors (you know, those guys who use science,) to have zero chance of regaining cognitive function. This does not fall under my jurisdiction as a Congressmen: nowhere in the first Article of the Constitution does it say: “Congress shall weigh in on all inane matters of morality that receive sufficient media attention.” A woman is dead already; it’s a tragedy. The decision to remove her feeding tube, is a legal matter, and has been decided, and is according to her wishes. But more importantly, what is Congress doing debating this? Or getting involved at all? Haven’t they forgotten, we are at war with an unseen, shadowy enemy! They could be anywhere! Has anyone checked the color of the terror warning recently?
Sorry I got a little carried away. Anyways, let me assure the people that, if in my tenure as Congressman, my fellow representatives decide to spend time tackling such irrelevant issues, I will spend those days cooped up in my office, with my thinking cap on, trying to come up with superior policies to improve the lives of my fellow Americans, so that when and if our government turns their minds to the people’s business, I will be supremely prepared.
# posted by Marmaniac @ 6:30 PM 
