Your Thoughts Exactly

I am officially announcing my intentions to run as a candidate for House of Representatives. The only reason I haven’t done so earlier is a stupid Constitutional requirement saying you have to be 25 to be elected. In 2006, my time finally comes!

What party will I be representing? Well ideally I would be an independent, simply so I don’t have to associate myself with any hierarchies within the DC political quagmire that is Congress. However I believe my chances for getting placed on any relevant committees as an incoming independent are low. I considered running as a Republican, if only to gain notoriety by switching parties one month into my term (a HaHa fooled you!,) but realized that running as a Republican in Massachusetts is a fool’s errand (unless I’m running for governor.) Thus, I am throwing my lot in with the Dems. I believe I immediately become their fourth most interesting party member, just with that sentence.

Let’s face it: the current in power Democrats are generally a bunch of well-off, white, baby boomers, just like the Republicans. They are in no way representative of their actual constituency: young people, minorities, the anti-establishment crowd, unions, intellectuals. The party needs to get younger, fresher, and more representative of the vision of America the Democratic Party should be about. An America that values freedom, but that represents freedom not through annihilation of evil forces or through lowering taxes to levels that the economy can’t support, but through opportunity for everyone, acceptance, integration, and understanding of the differences between humans, freedom to live a secure life.

Plus, the Democratic Party needs someone who can creatively make fun of the Republican power elite without self-imploding. This would be my specialty. The key to my success would be not caring about whatever political response Rove and his cronies drum up. Call me a Massachusetts liberal? Damn straight and proud to be from the state the initiated the American Revolution, was the birthplace of the abolitionist movement, and schooled George W Bush in the art of varsity manship. Dig up dirt on my “New Orleans incident,” or occasional experiments with drugs of questionable legality? Too easy: “At least I’ve never done coke.”

I will gladly sacrifice any chance of future political success by spending my time bothering Republicans so that they have to waste their time refuting my claims. I would not say anything that wasn’t true. I will also spend time actually trying to connect with young people, which may be easier for me since, you know, I’m young.

Oh yea what else do Congressmen do? Make laws. Well I’ll tell you this: I will not be swayed by party politics. If I think a law is a good idea, I’ll vote for it. If not, I won’t. I will not be introducing any massive revolutionary pieces of legislation, mostly because let’s face it, they won’t pass. I will be doing what all Congressional Dems should be doing for these four years: doing my best to keep the Republicans from passing anything horribly damaging to the future of the U.S., like a Defense of Marriage Act, future tax cuts without balancing the budget, or more blank checks for military operations with illegitimate justifications and no definition of goals. If the opportunity comes for smart bipartisan action, I will do my best to make the most of the opportunity, as I believe they will be few and far between.

Do you want to hear my stances on policies? No? Well fine. I’ll bore you with that later. For now, All I have to say is…vote early, vote often, Marshall in 06