Your Thoughts Exactly: Near Misses in Video Games... and Duds

Monday, January 10, 2005

 

Near Misses in Video Games... and Duds

So here's a clarification.
Madden
I purposely left out Madden off the Top list because I decided not to include sports games. I don't know why I made this distinction, because Madden '03 played with 3 friends in a single league ranks among the most fun I've had with a video game. On a purely technical merit, I felt I am justified from excluding Maddens from the list because 1) they are fundamentally flawed in key aspects every year (like the no pancakes of '03, the no sliding of '04, and the questionable steps backward in franchise mode, like the addition of morale, storyline central, and not being able to turn off any of these annoying features. plus, why have i never seen a PI call in '05?)

Mario Kart 1/64/Double Dash!!
Mario Kart is a different story. I didn't play it. Mario Kart 64 and DD are great and good games respectively; unfortunately they're also too flawed, with the Blue shell and the CPU assistance making it hard for you to appropriately dominate someone. I'm sure if I had played SNES Mario Kart in its heyday, it would be on here. But I didn't, because my mom insisted on throwing away/hiding my SNES.

Fuzion Frenzy
The most obscure game on this list, obviously, but if you have an Xbox and 3 friends, you must own this game. I don't understand how this game didn't get some sort of critical acclaim, because playing it is incredible. It's like Mario Party, except better, quicker, and probably funnier too. But, it is a rehash of a lot of older games so I couldn't rightly give it Top billing.

Goldeneye
This game was partially responsible for bringing FPSs (first person shooters) to the mainstream audience. It was arguably the only good non-family game for the N64. This game also sucked up a lot of my time, and it helped that I was playing against some terrible opponents. Playing 1 on 3 against my friends was just icing on top of the cake.

Street Fighter 2
The hardest omission, this game was absolutely awesome. Unfortunately, what keeps it off the list was that my brother was way too good for me and my 10 year old thumbs couldn't master the Shoryuken. Otherwise it would be up there, possibly better than Smash.

Others not quite good enough to warrant a mention, but I did think of them:

Punch-Out
Contra
Lemmings
Wing Commander 2/3
Galaga
Pac-Man
Minesweeper
Command & Conquer
Warcraft 2
Worms
Sims 1/2
Dark Forces
Morrowind
Deus Ex 1/2
Unreal Tournament
NBA Jam
Wrestlemania 2000

And these games are so overrated that I want to point out that they should never be on anybody's Top list:

Halo 1/2:
Halo 1 was at least sort of innovative; vehicles, good AI; it was like a polished Goldeneye. Still, it wasn't THAT great, even with the co-op multiplayer being incredible. Halo 2 was just Halo 1 with a crappier story and all the same stuff over again.
Metroid Prime:
I don't understand why everyone LOVED this game. Some review said it was "like going into the future 5 years and taking the best game of that time". Um, no. This game is a solid FPS. But there was nothing at all innovative in there. And it was way too hard and labyrinthine.
Zelda: Wind Waker:
This game was nothing but Zelda 64 redone. And it was way too big. And the story sucked. Still, it was a fun game. Especially if you like throwing pigs off cliffs. (I still can't believe I did that!)
Doom 3:
Well, I wrote a review already, but basically this game sucks. A lot.
Metal Gear Solid 2:
This is the number one. When I played this game, it was a solid third person shooter. Throughout the game I probably would have given it maybe a 75 or 80. It was decent. Then the end came, and it seemed about 10 hours too early. Oh, plus it was the most screwed-up, japanese-craptastic ending of all time. I remember screaming at the TV because it was so, so, bad: "This better not be the fucking ending.... this better not be the fucking ending!" Anyway, I wish I had never played it.

Comments:
Here's what made the CPU assist stuff on Kart so great: if you were in the lead, you had to be able to defend your position to win. There were so many subtle skills about the game, like laying down well-constucted banana peel barricades and accurate placement of backward-shot green turtle shells. You couldn't simply dominate the game. You had to be able to metally outwit your opponent as well.
 
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