Friday, October 01, 2004
Generic MLB Awards Column
2004 is the tenth anniversary of the ‘94 strike and cancelled World Series, and the 100th anniversary of the season the New York Giants refused to play the Red Sox in the World Series, because they didn’t consider the American League to be up to snuff with the National League. This leads me to think something fishy is going to happen to the 2004 World Series, something MLB isn’t prepared to deal with like…a Red Sox victory? Anyways, on to the awards
Player who had the Worst Year: Nomar Garciaparra. Gets hurt with an injury that is supposed to cause him to miss a week, and ends up being out two months. Sees his value in the free agent market drop by at least 20 million dollars. Gets traded from the team where he was considered a legend, only to see his trade spark a 20-2 run by his ex-team to secure a playoff berth. Team he ends up on blows Wild Card lead with a series of excruciating one-run losses to the dregs of the NL. Nomar must have done something real bad to deserve this karma
Team that Foolishly Thought They had a Chance: Did you know that the Brewers were over .500 at the All-Star Break? They are now 66-92. No one will ever feel bad for them however, since they are Selig’s team. You know what’s amazing about the baseball world? That the owners will keep supporting a commissioner who runs one of the three worst franchises in the entire industry, in terms of team performance. Of course he is much better at important things like getting publically funded stadia, which is all that actually matters to the owners.
Team I most enjoyed watching suck: The 65-93 Toronto Blue Jays. To BP and Rob Neyer: where are those J.P. Ricciardi is the next genius columns now? Ricciardi was one of two GMs, (along with wonder-boy Theo) who was profiled in the book Chasing Steinbrenner. Looks like they should change the name to Chasing Steinbrenner/Chasing Pinella, as the Blue Jays will finish behind the Devil Rays, of all teams. According to Ricciardi, the Blue Jays are in the third year of a 5 year rebuilding plan. Of course, in the three years before the rebuilding began, the Jays averaged 85 wins. Since then they’ve gone from 80 to 78, to this year’s 65ish. Nice plan. Now, doesn’t Ricciardi’s record insinuate he should be fired? Or does he get a free pass because he knows what VORP is?
Sucky Team I felt the most Sorry for: I would say Seattle, but you made your own bed with crappy signings, and hoping ancient players like Edgar, Tee-Ball, and Olerud wouldn’t fall off the wagon. Thus, no one.
Most annoying outcome of season: Tie between Roger Clemens not retiring and perhaps winning a Cy Young, and the Braves winning the NL East AGAIN. Clemens makes me mad because we had to go through this whole Clemens love-fest last year including giving him undeserving All-Star game spots when everyone in the world knew he was coming back. The Braves, I mean what can you say? Bobby Cox may have a record of playoff failure, but he has to be in the HOF. Jaret Wright? Mike Hampton? If I was Derek Lowe, I’d sign a one year deal with Atlanta, use Cox and Mazzone to win a Cy Young, then hit the market a year later and clean up.
Outcome I am most Rooting for this Weekend: The Angels to beat the A’s, which is foolish, since the Sox will almost certainly play the winner of this series in the first round, and we have owned the A’s the last two years. But I just want to see the Moneyball teams all fail out of principle. What can I say I’m a hater. Oh yea, I’d also like to see the Cubbies make the WC, but I think we all know they have no chance.
And now its time for some Red Sox related awards…
Tenth Player Award: Given to the “non-star” player whose performance lifted us to victory; past winners include Joe Hesketh and of course, Mike “Gator” Greenwell, before he blossomed into the superstar we all knew and loved. This year’s winner is Johnny Damon, who not only batted over .300 with 20 homers from the leadoff stop (and will finish with 25 plus win shares,) but entertained us throughout the year with his hair/beard combo, inspiring me to grow out my hair, which has led to a remarkably increase in my attractiveness to the opposite sex. Now if that isn’t tenth player award worthy, I don’t know what is.
Caucasian Superstar that all the fans connect to Award: Curt Schilling. Not only has he pitched great, but he also calls in to WEEI and is a member of the Sons of Sam Horn Red Sox chat board! So this makes all us stupid fans love him because we get to pretend that he is our friend. What must the other players in the clubhouse be thinking of Schilling? Maybe “what a giant fucking loser this guy is.” Seriously, when I am spending a lot of time lurking at Red Sox message boards and listening to sports talk radio, I consider it a sign of depression and that I need to find much better thing to do with my time. And I am an out-of-college scrub. This guy is getting paid 10 mil a year and still does it. What a loser. Of course, we all knew this about Schilling after the story where he beaned Doug Glanville over a dispute about Everquest etiquette.
Shunned superstar we will drive out of town to our Heart’s Regret Award: Pedro Martinez. I, like the rest of Red Sox nation, am wholly concerned by Pedro’s performance. Everyone is focusing on the games against the Yankees, of course he also got shelled by Tampa and Baltimore, which is of much greater concern. My Dad and I were discussing Pedro, and both think it actually is time for him to move on. I am not saying I want him to, I still love watching him pitch and want him on my team. But its hard being a star in Boston, you can only do it for so long. And Pedro needs some warm weather for his body. I think he’d have a better career if he move to say…Anaheim. Here’s hoping if this is his last hurrah, he leaves with a few playoff shutouts for us to remember him by.
Finally, what you’ve all been waiting for, the real awards
AL Rookie of the Year: Cesar Crespo
NL Rookie of the Year: Khalil Greene (only because he is white and name Khalil)
AL Manager of the Year: Terry Francona, (because it will be that much more painful when he stands there blowing playoff game after playoff game.)
NL Manager of the Year: Bobby Cox.
AL Cy Young: Johan Santana. Dave has given you a few numbers on this site about how dominant he has been the last four months or so. Should be a lock, even for the idiots at BBWA.
NL Cy Young: No One. I abstain from voting. I refuse to acknowledge Clemens because he is a lying scum who should have been off my sports radar years ago. Will it ever end? Johnson has shown himself to be a giant prick this year, which is something fans in Seattle already knew. Jason Schmidt disgusted me by blowing this in the last two months and letting the AARP crew back into the running.
AL MVP: Manny Ramirez. Manny is having an average year, and may not break 30 win shares according to Hardball Times, who I don’t believe because I don’t like their numbers. Some other website has Manny with 35 Win Shares, a number I like much better, so I think I’ll believe them. People have made arguments for Sheffield and Vlad, including the brilliant argument that Vlad has more At Bats than Manny, thus deserves the award, which is basically arguing Vlad deserves the award for walking less. I will say this about Manny, when he stops hitting, our offense TANKS, and he is vital the the Red Sox' offensive success. But of course you could probably say that about any of the great players. So how bout I justify his selection by saying, I like it when players on my team win awards?
NL MVP: For all the Bonds creaming by the statheads, Albert Pujols actually had a better year than him last year. No seriously, Pujols had 41 Win Shares to Bonds’ 38 and should have won MVP. Of course the Cards weren’t the paper tiger juggernaut they appear to be this year. Anyways the writers missed their chance in 03 to break Bonds’ hold on the award, because in 2004 his numbers are just too good. .600 OBP. .800 SLG. Over 200 walks, while hitting .365 and leading a god awful team to a possible playoff spot, simply because his production (which will equal about 50 win shares,) is about the same as say, David Ortiz and Johnny Damon’s combined. Unbelievable. If you go back and look at a hitter like Ramirez’ best WEEK of the season, it may measure up to what Bonds does all year. Of course this is partly because pitchers are giant wusses and afraid of him, but until this changes, he’ll keep winning MVPs.
Coming Soon: Playoffs? Playoffs!
Player who had the Worst Year: Nomar Garciaparra. Gets hurt with an injury that is supposed to cause him to miss a week, and ends up being out two months. Sees his value in the free agent market drop by at least 20 million dollars. Gets traded from the team where he was considered a legend, only to see his trade spark a 20-2 run by his ex-team to secure a playoff berth. Team he ends up on blows Wild Card lead with a series of excruciating one-run losses to the dregs of the NL. Nomar must have done something real bad to deserve this karma
Team that Foolishly Thought They had a Chance: Did you know that the Brewers were over .500 at the All-Star Break? They are now 66-92. No one will ever feel bad for them however, since they are Selig’s team. You know what’s amazing about the baseball world? That the owners will keep supporting a commissioner who runs one of the three worst franchises in the entire industry, in terms of team performance. Of course he is much better at important things like getting publically funded stadia, which is all that actually matters to the owners.
Team I most enjoyed watching suck: The 65-93 Toronto Blue Jays. To BP and Rob Neyer: where are those J.P. Ricciardi is the next genius columns now? Ricciardi was one of two GMs, (along with wonder-boy Theo) who was profiled in the book Chasing Steinbrenner. Looks like they should change the name to Chasing Steinbrenner/Chasing Pinella, as the Blue Jays will finish behind the Devil Rays, of all teams. According to Ricciardi, the Blue Jays are in the third year of a 5 year rebuilding plan. Of course, in the three years before the rebuilding began, the Jays averaged 85 wins. Since then they’ve gone from 80 to 78, to this year’s 65ish. Nice plan. Now, doesn’t Ricciardi’s record insinuate he should be fired? Or does he get a free pass because he knows what VORP is?
Sucky Team I felt the most Sorry for: I would say Seattle, but you made your own bed with crappy signings, and hoping ancient players like Edgar, Tee-Ball, and Olerud wouldn’t fall off the wagon. Thus, no one.
Most annoying outcome of season: Tie between Roger Clemens not retiring and perhaps winning a Cy Young, and the Braves winning the NL East AGAIN. Clemens makes me mad because we had to go through this whole Clemens love-fest last year including giving him undeserving All-Star game spots when everyone in the world knew he was coming back. The Braves, I mean what can you say? Bobby Cox may have a record of playoff failure, but he has to be in the HOF. Jaret Wright? Mike Hampton? If I was Derek Lowe, I’d sign a one year deal with Atlanta, use Cox and Mazzone to win a Cy Young, then hit the market a year later and clean up.
Outcome I am most Rooting for this Weekend: The Angels to beat the A’s, which is foolish, since the Sox will almost certainly play the winner of this series in the first round, and we have owned the A’s the last two years. But I just want to see the Moneyball teams all fail out of principle. What can I say I’m a hater. Oh yea, I’d also like to see the Cubbies make the WC, but I think we all know they have no chance.
And now its time for some Red Sox related awards…
Tenth Player Award: Given to the “non-star” player whose performance lifted us to victory; past winners include Joe Hesketh and of course, Mike “Gator” Greenwell, before he blossomed into the superstar we all knew and loved. This year’s winner is Johnny Damon, who not only batted over .300 with 20 homers from the leadoff stop (and will finish with 25 plus win shares,) but entertained us throughout the year with his hair/beard combo, inspiring me to grow out my hair, which has led to a remarkably increase in my attractiveness to the opposite sex. Now if that isn’t tenth player award worthy, I don’t know what is.
Caucasian Superstar that all the fans connect to Award: Curt Schilling. Not only has he pitched great, but he also calls in to WEEI and is a member of the Sons of Sam Horn Red Sox chat board! So this makes all us stupid fans love him because we get to pretend that he is our friend. What must the other players in the clubhouse be thinking of Schilling? Maybe “what a giant fucking loser this guy is.” Seriously, when I am spending a lot of time lurking at Red Sox message boards and listening to sports talk radio, I consider it a sign of depression and that I need to find much better thing to do with my time. And I am an out-of-college scrub. This guy is getting paid 10 mil a year and still does it. What a loser. Of course, we all knew this about Schilling after the story where he beaned Doug Glanville over a dispute about Everquest etiquette.
Shunned superstar we will drive out of town to our Heart’s Regret Award: Pedro Martinez. I, like the rest of Red Sox nation, am wholly concerned by Pedro’s performance. Everyone is focusing on the games against the Yankees, of course he also got shelled by Tampa and Baltimore, which is of much greater concern. My Dad and I were discussing Pedro, and both think it actually is time for him to move on. I am not saying I want him to, I still love watching him pitch and want him on my team. But its hard being a star in Boston, you can only do it for so long. And Pedro needs some warm weather for his body. I think he’d have a better career if he move to say…Anaheim. Here’s hoping if this is his last hurrah, he leaves with a few playoff shutouts for us to remember him by.
Finally, what you’ve all been waiting for, the real awards
AL Rookie of the Year: Cesar Crespo
NL Rookie of the Year: Khalil Greene (only because he is white and name Khalil)
AL Manager of the Year: Terry Francona, (because it will be that much more painful when he stands there blowing playoff game after playoff game.)
NL Manager of the Year: Bobby Cox.
AL Cy Young: Johan Santana. Dave has given you a few numbers on this site about how dominant he has been the last four months or so. Should be a lock, even for the idiots at BBWA.
NL Cy Young: No One. I abstain from voting. I refuse to acknowledge Clemens because he is a lying scum who should have been off my sports radar years ago. Will it ever end? Johnson has shown himself to be a giant prick this year, which is something fans in Seattle already knew. Jason Schmidt disgusted me by blowing this in the last two months and letting the AARP crew back into the running.
AL MVP: Manny Ramirez. Manny is having an average year, and may not break 30 win shares according to Hardball Times, who I don’t believe because I don’t like their numbers. Some other website has Manny with 35 Win Shares, a number I like much better, so I think I’ll believe them. People have made arguments for Sheffield and Vlad, including the brilliant argument that Vlad has more At Bats than Manny, thus deserves the award, which is basically arguing Vlad deserves the award for walking less. I will say this about Manny, when he stops hitting, our offense TANKS, and he is vital the the Red Sox' offensive success. But of course you could probably say that about any of the great players. So how bout I justify his selection by saying, I like it when players on my team win awards?
NL MVP: For all the Bonds creaming by the statheads, Albert Pujols actually had a better year than him last year. No seriously, Pujols had 41 Win Shares to Bonds’ 38 and should have won MVP. Of course the Cards weren’t the paper tiger juggernaut they appear to be this year. Anyways the writers missed their chance in 03 to break Bonds’ hold on the award, because in 2004 his numbers are just too good. .600 OBP. .800 SLG. Over 200 walks, while hitting .365 and leading a god awful team to a possible playoff spot, simply because his production (which will equal about 50 win shares,) is about the same as say, David Ortiz and Johnny Damon’s combined. Unbelievable. If you go back and look at a hitter like Ramirez’ best WEEK of the season, it may measure up to what Bonds does all year. Of course this is partly because pitchers are giant wusses and afraid of him, but until this changes, he’ll keep winning MVPs.
Coming Soon: Playoffs? Playoffs!
# posted by Marmaniac @ 8:51 PM 
