Your Thoughts Exactly

Wha? Huh? Bluaghahg;asd? Those are the three best explainations I can conceive to understand why SportsCenter ended the other night with an interview of and performance by Alanis Morissette. Now, I have nothing against Alanis; she seems to have lived a deep, meaningful, peaceful life, and her music isn’t bad – in fact, I downright tolerate a couple of her songs. But, quoth the tele, “This…Is SportCenter.” Not FemmeGrungeCenter, not SpiritualSingerSongwriterCenter, SPORTS. CENTER. Maybe, and I’m just conjecturing here, but maybe they thought SportsCenter was just too good, and wanted to downgrade the quality of the show. In fact, that must be it! Of course it wasn’t bluaghahg;asd, what was I thinking? This is how Alanis Morissette came to be on SportsCenter:

SC Exec #1: You know, this little show of ours is quite fantastic; that new kid – Mr. Dream Job – he could be better than Olbermann and Patrick in their prime!, and Stuart Scott’s urban lingo is really a nice new twist.
SC Exec #2: You are absolutely right. If we let the show get any better, we won’t be treated as a sporting infotainment show anymore – we’ll be serious comedic drama. Something must be done.
SC Exec #1: I agree. Here’s what we should do: take some elements from some really bad, downright terrible sports shows and incorporate them into SportsCenter.
SC Exec #2: Your really think Tom Arnold would leave his show?!
SC Exec #1: I don’t mean people, just certain elements. What is a painfully awful sports show?
SC Exec #2: Hmmmm. I just love them all.
SC Exec #1: I’ve Got it! Cold Pizza!!!
SC Exec #2: Wow, #1, how do you do it! I didn’t even think of that as a sports show, because I saw some cooking lessons on it just this morning. Gosh, you’re smart.
SC Exec #1: So, you know what’s really bad about it. They have, or at least used to have, awkward musical performances, because live music just does not blend well with a sporting news show. Let’s do that to SportsCenter – finish each episode, maybe just for one week as a trial, with some musical performances.
SC Exec #2: Hey, if we’re lucky, we could get Alanis Morissette!
SC Exec #1: No dorkus, we need bad artists, not great ones.

Uh, still with me? So that is how I came to see Alanis Morissette finishing up SportsCenter, and how I came to finally, fully despise ESPN and everything they do, and everyone who works for them, including the key grip. If they had just slimed her, all would have been fine by me.

Edit: just when you think you’re out.....ESPN starts running ads for Old School Week next week. Craig Kilborn is back on August 8. Unfortunately, Keith Olbermann will not be returning to rekindle the on air magic that was Patrick and Olbermann. So for one day, I grant them a reprieve.