Saturday, August 28, 2004
Hate Hate Hate
Something weird is happening on ESPN.com. Actually, I should rephrase that, what is happening on ESPN.com is what we should now come to expect: relentless recycling of the same crap by many of the same terrible writers they have. But in the last two weeks, they seem to have been making a concerted effort to push my buttons. I think there is some sort of conspiracy going on, and I am determined to get to the bottom of it.
The man to start the trend was none other than ex-80s knuckleballer Tom Candiotti. Candiotti graced ESPN by giving Derek Jeter a journalistic handjob, titling the article “I’m glad Jeter is my son’s hero.” Yikes. Naturally I avoided an article that was destined to recycle the normal subjective praising of the pretty boy face of the Team from Hell. They couldn’t get me that easily.
Undeterred, ESPN.com started using backhanded tactics to get me to read Jeter praise. One week later they published an excerpt of Buster Olney’s titled “The Fall of the Yankee Dynasty.” Now I had pledged to not read anything of Olney’s unless it was titled something like “Pothead Athletes: the list may surprise you!” However I figured it would be fun to read about the Yankees falling. Unfortunately, it was a trick; it was a five page excerpt about how Derek Jeter was a “born winner,” and how whatever team had drafted him was GUARENTEED to win multiple championships. Then, this week, John Kruk, another writer I attempt to ignore at every turn, wrote a Page 2 article entitled “The Best Player in MLB” saying it wasn’t Bonds or Pujols. Who could it be I wondered? Why Jeter of course! Those bastard ESPN editors just don’t know when to quit. They aren’t even letting Rob Neyer write a response article on how statistics show Jeter is a terrible defensive shortstop and not one of the top 20 players in the game. What is going on here? Why the sudden need to money shot Jeter over and over?
Maybe ESPN knows something I don’t, and feel the need to butter Jeter up. Maybe he has a degenerative disease and is going to have to retire from baseball this year, and they can see the pain he is playing through. Maybe they have been paid off by the Yankee machine to drop some positive press on Jete to soothe his ego, which no doubt has taking some shots from having to be the fifth best player on his team. Maybe the writers are noticing that the Red Sox are climbing the standings, posing a threat to the Yankees, and could conceivably knock the Yankees out of the playoffs if they continue their hot streak, which would warp their little world view of the Yankees dominating everything. Maybe baseball writers are really lazy and don’t mind writing the same formulaic crap over and over, forgoing analysis in lieu of the easy paycheck.
Whatever it is, I want you to know ESPN, you can do you worst. You can force Chris Mortenson into praising Jeter in his NFL columns. You can take Sportscenter off the air and fill it by replaying that stupid play from the Oakland series over and over again, four hours a day. But you will never knock my faith that he is an overrated pretty boy media-creation that doesn’t match up to Nomar, A-rod, or Orlando Cabrera. And when the Red Sox beat out the Yanks for the AL East, and the Angels and A’s pass them for the Wild Card, you can hire him to do some commentary for the ALDS. I am sure he’d be very telegenic.
The man to start the trend was none other than ex-80s knuckleballer Tom Candiotti. Candiotti graced ESPN by giving Derek Jeter a journalistic handjob, titling the article “I’m glad Jeter is my son’s hero.” Yikes. Naturally I avoided an article that was destined to recycle the normal subjective praising of the pretty boy face of the Team from Hell. They couldn’t get me that easily.
Undeterred, ESPN.com started using backhanded tactics to get me to read Jeter praise. One week later they published an excerpt of Buster Olney’s titled “The Fall of the Yankee Dynasty.” Now I had pledged to not read anything of Olney’s unless it was titled something like “Pothead Athletes: the list may surprise you!” However I figured it would be fun to read about the Yankees falling. Unfortunately, it was a trick; it was a five page excerpt about how Derek Jeter was a “born winner,” and how whatever team had drafted him was GUARENTEED to win multiple championships. Then, this week, John Kruk, another writer I attempt to ignore at every turn, wrote a Page 2 article entitled “The Best Player in MLB” saying it wasn’t Bonds or Pujols. Who could it be I wondered? Why Jeter of course! Those bastard ESPN editors just don’t know when to quit. They aren’t even letting Rob Neyer write a response article on how statistics show Jeter is a terrible defensive shortstop and not one of the top 20 players in the game. What is going on here? Why the sudden need to money shot Jeter over and over?
Maybe ESPN knows something I don’t, and feel the need to butter Jeter up. Maybe he has a degenerative disease and is going to have to retire from baseball this year, and they can see the pain he is playing through. Maybe they have been paid off by the Yankee machine to drop some positive press on Jete to soothe his ego, which no doubt has taking some shots from having to be the fifth best player on his team. Maybe the writers are noticing that the Red Sox are climbing the standings, posing a threat to the Yankees, and could conceivably knock the Yankees out of the playoffs if they continue their hot streak, which would warp their little world view of the Yankees dominating everything. Maybe baseball writers are really lazy and don’t mind writing the same formulaic crap over and over, forgoing analysis in lieu of the easy paycheck.
Whatever it is, I want you to know ESPN, you can do you worst. You can force Chris Mortenson into praising Jeter in his NFL columns. You can take Sportscenter off the air and fill it by replaying that stupid play from the Oakland series over and over again, four hours a day. But you will never knock my faith that he is an overrated pretty boy media-creation that doesn’t match up to Nomar, A-rod, or Orlando Cabrera. And when the Red Sox beat out the Yanks for the AL East, and the Angels and A’s pass them for the Wild Card, you can hire him to do some commentary for the ALDS. I am sure he’d be very telegenic.
# posted by Marmaniac @ 11:41 PM 
