Your Thoughts Exactly

Help! Rush me to the emergency room! Hook me up to an IV! Shoot me! I can’s stop vomiting! I was watching Sportcenter, and on comes a story about coach Krzyzewski and his decision to stay at Duke! I instinctively zone out and start cruising the internet, but the dramatic piano music and a bushy-browed kid in the background somehow convince me to see what they’re going on about. As I look back at the tv, this teenager is reading some sort of poem/essay/letter about Duke. I gag. Then it cuts to coach K, and he picks up right where the kid left off. (quick thinking in my head tells me that this kid wrote something, and sent it to the Coach. I vomit in my mouth). As he reads, he talks about how his lifelong goal was to play for coach K, and now, as he enters his freshman year at Duke, though not a player, he still is playing for him because he’s not just the coach of a basketball team, etc - I can't bring myself to describe any more of it. My eyes start to roll back into my head. Coach K talks about touching and being touched. His wife leaves a phone message for the kid, who thinks it’s the most gratifying moment of his life. I dial 911. Why O Why does Sportscenter subject us to this drivel – just show us some damn highlights and the occasional blooper please.